I have been a kind of committed father by attending Dad's Saturdays in the last few months.
Already know a few regulars, and start recognising their children
As well as their mood.
There are chatty fathers, there are others who seem more relaxed than me.
And there are others who like me are experimenting.
My experiment this last week end was to miss one of the Saturdays am talking about. I woke up feeling ill, but got a text from a friend asking if I was going to be at the event.
In automatic mode I went to the shower and got dressed, and sent a text back saying I was not feeling well but was to confirm later on.
And then the unexpected happened. I decided not to go. For the first time in my parenting life I was looking after myself rather than putting everything about me in the background.
My wife helped me to make this decision.
For the first time I felt that I did not have to go out. I could stay inside.
Yes, the twins could have had a brilliant time, they would have played, and socialised.
I could have gone out of the house, have had some fresh air, and felt I was doing the right thing.
But I did not.
I felt terrible when sending the text to my friend saying I was not going.
But after a while I felt OK. Also he sent a nice text back.
As a father and considering who I am I always need this kind of external validation. I need to feel that I am doing something 'worth'.
I enjoy these Dad's Saturdays, but I have had some of them in which I get home feeling very tired, and miserable. Because if I am not careful with my energy can also feel stressed and somehow isolated (I have not met the first father or twins doing these Saturdays yet).
I also cancelled a party attendance for the afternoon, for the same reason. I am sick, and need to look after myself.
Today is Monday and I feel that not being part of the world for a while has given me some space to recover.
If you are a father and can manage to have time off to look after yourself, please take it.
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