Had slept for about seven hours.
Also when woke up I managed to appease twins for a while with some videos.
Everything seemed fine. Then I erupted in anger.
Before this happened I had a lingering I thought: I was seeing myself as being too nice to the twins and to my wife.
I saw myself as a failure. But I carried on.
So when I was told off for something I did (leaving a dirty garment at my wife's bed side) I exploded.
That is me. Unpredictable and moody, driven by perfection, specially in winter time.
After the incident I managed to apologise and then went into a frenzy mode of organising bit of my personal mess in the bathroom.
I also went into my personal things and did a bit of clearing up.
I was not feeling in control of myself.
As if the super-me was now in charge.
As I write this post now I feel guilty as well as energetic.
My brain reworked new expectations for the day. I went to Church with the twins and after I proposed going out for lunch. Then I went to a Zumba party.
It was too much, luckily I survived the day !
One year on I feel I am still not ok.
But I am more aware of what I do.
I need to come to terms with these mood swings and not try to prove myself all the time.
Morning expectations still come too high to me.
I need to be more careful...
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