Bad habit

It is taking me some time to realise that part of my stress and lack of energy has to do with running unecessary errands.

As if my life and that of my family depended on it.

I get too worried about performing well at work.  Also about making sure I am home in case I am needed.

Reality is, I am not that indispensable.  And things do not have to be finished today or tomorrow. 

Me being a perfectionist, I take things extremely seriously.  If someone asks me something I feel committed, I cannot let people down.  This includes wife, twins, family abroad, and supposedly good friends.  

I live in a country that requires me to pay my bills on time, work hard, and show my worth as a foreigner. I cannot take a break.   

Or that is why I think to myself.  

I feel I have been given a lifetime opportunity and feel monitored, observed, judged constantly.  

So I try to impress.

The big problem is that no human being can live life this way.  

Am letting myself down by doing this.  

So am working on being mediocre, on saying no, on not helping people at my expense.  Sounds horrible, but it feels that the world does not necessarily end if I do so.  

The bad habit of jumping into saving the world every time is hard to break.  

But at least I am beginning to catch myself.

Long live convenience, humanity, mediocrity, small goals, imperfection!m