Actually, Facebook has been driving me mad since the twins were born. And even before I was feeling unhappy and upset.
Why?
There is finally one simple and speakable reason (at least I can speak it here more clearly and I hope it is clear enough).
Facebook gives us the choice to show only what we want to show. But despite this choice, most dads will only post the happy side of fatherhood.
I am not against this. In fact if you feel like it, go ahead and show everything about being a dad. The rush to hospital. The first night with the babies. The first nappy change. The first sleep of the twins together. The first smile, the first day out. The first bath. The first cuddling.
When my twins were born I took pictures and emailed friends and relatives. It took me hours to do so after a hectic day at the hospital. Finally I felt I had accomplishing my mission as a dad. I was the Facebook dad. A happy dad. Supposedly.
But then I was asked for more. And I keep being asked the question. More pictures please!
Do you know what it really takes to be a dad?
Well, after the first of everything comes the second, the third, the fourth, etc, etc. I get tired, I cannot smile anymore. I need to look after the twins. And I need to look after myself.
I would love to post pictures of babies crying, being desperate for food and sleep, having a pee, a poo. Pictures of me getting angry, arguing with the wife, arguing with doctors, nurses, pharmacists, telling people off for phoning indiscriminately to sell whatever, slamming the door on others who want a donation or try to sell me virgin media so that I can spare time watching tv. Pictures of me crying after a hard day's work, feeling powerless and isolated.
But hey, these pictures will not make me a good, nice, and likeable Facebook dad will they ?
To be honest, it is the wife who has an eye for pictures and videos, and when she takes them and I like them I send them to a very few people. So that at least I feel good about myself. I am occasionally a Facebook dad, and I feel good when people praise the images. I can be the not so mad dad.
But then the mad dad returns and I would love to ask those dads who look great with their babies a few things: did you sleep well? Are you sharing all home chores with mum, or just occasionally? Have you consciously given up some work to do your fair share? Why don't you show us a picture of you really doing the dad job (changing, feeding) without the Hollywood smile? What about your frustrations, fears, moments of anger?
I appreciate people's interest in the twins, thank you for that, but please understand, I am going mad if you keep asking me to be the Facebook dad. I am just a human geing, I cannot be happy all the time.
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