How is the dad today?

Thank you for asking this question.  I was longing for it.  Everyone is focused on what happens to mum and the twins.  Luckily I can still appear in the pictures that they take.  So that the twins still have a dad to show. As a kind of background. 

Well as for me, I am knackered, doubtful, hopeful, angry, resentful, worried, satisfied, concerned and going mad.

I feel I have woken up in a different universe where inequality is the norm.   I seem to understand more what women have gone through when they become mothers.  I have a lot of praise for them.  

But also I have a lot of praise for dads.  We often become the background of the picture.  It is some times good so you do not draw attention to yourself.  But we also have feelings, worries, anxieties, plans, and goals.  We are supposed not to express feelings.  We have to carry on. 

I would love to be in a nice place to live for me and the family.  I would also love to continue writing my stuff on systems thinking and making an impact on how we educate the younger generations.  I would love to be in touch with people from different cultures, countries and religions.  This I think is one of the best gifts i can give to my twins.  

But I feel trapped in the day-to-day of modern society in a developed country.  There are so many choices that whenever I choose something there is always something better.  So we end up competing to show to the world that we made the right choice.  I feel I am expected to succeed, otherwise why did I leave my home country in the first place? 

I also feel tired.  There is always a better life plan.  Just today I was reading on Facebook how other parents of twins have taken or are planning to take their twins for holidays abroad.  We can barely to take them to a park these days. So good luck to those who manage to do many other things.  The thought of us having to do the same makes me even more tired.  

This is just the tip of the iceberg of tiredness.   We have been suggested (although nicely) that we should move houses and live in a bigger place, with an easy access to a garden.  I have spent endlessnights searching  for a place to live.  I have physically been to some places.  I have not found anything yet.  Whenever I finish seeing one place, i end up with lots of questions.  Where should we live to feel happier? Can we afford it? What happens if I lose my job? Will the twins be ok here? 

Yes, too many worries, but believe me I now prefer to be worried than not be.  I also feel hopeful that things will turn up for the better.  

So thank you for asking how I am.  Life is what it is.