Emotionally committed

As a new dad I find myself torn between two worlds.  The 'old' one where I had almost everything under control, and this 'new' world where new things happen every day.

In the new world, the instruction 'manual' for dads (I spoke about this in the last post) does not give much of a clue when it comes to start getting emotionally connected to your twins. Yes, it is important you become involved with the twins, yes, you have to be there, talk to them, show them things, etc etc. 

You also get a few insights from commercial adverts where the children enjoy so much the company of their dad that they keep smiling and laughing. 

For some dads, the emotional connection  is immediate, once they see them being born.  For others it takes months, and many dads feel guilty about not feeling enough love for their little ones.

For me it is still a daily journey.  The first few months I felt I was not getting anywhere.  Twins seemed to be more worried about their food and their sleep.  All of a sudden they started smiling.  I also discovered how to make them laugh.  So every day I try to have a good laugh with them.

What keeps me from throwing myself more openly to the twins is my previous emotional commitments.  I am normally very committed to my work and the organisation I work for.  I am also committed to my family back home.  And to some friends whose advice I value.  I am trying to give these things a secondary priority.  I say I am trying because it is not easy. 

My commitment is also a desire to be recognised and to feel important. With the twins, this desire cannot be fulfilled. At least not by them.  I now understand that part of the isolation that new dads feel is because we do not get recognition about what we do.  As men, we are used to have it.  And for someone like me who is a perfectionist, if the recognition is positive the better, if it is not then I worry. 

So how can a dad be emotionally committed to someone who does not provide a 'pat on the back'? 

Maybe this is what people call love. 

I am not sure I have other answers, but for now for me a more specific answer seems to lie on letting some of the previous commitments go and take their own course.  Maybe fewer of these commitments could help me not to feel overwhelmed by the new life. 

And being there for the twins, also valuing when someone (the wife) tells me I am doing well seems to be a way of acknowledging that I am becoming part of a new world.