So the normal waking up, preparing bottles, showering, dressing, feeding, bit of breakfast on the side, and the big event of the day: turning on the computer to write.
I had been thinking about this paper. It needs a serious rewriting. I need to emphasise what I discovered rather than what I propose.
Whilst twins sleep I get onto creating a new document file. I start by deleting the sections that I do not need anymore. It feels I need to be less pretentious and not claim too much, something I keep saying to my students.
New document file is there. I need to change the abstract and introduction to the paper. Surprisingly that section that costed me lots of time to write before seems to be disappearing. Not needed anymore. It is the case study which I need to highlight. That needs a better methodology section which I am not sure I know enough about. So let us enrich the case study for now.
Half way through and I now feel that the old version of the paper could be submitted to another type of journal. So I get to edit it, cut pieces, leave others, and I now have two document files. More work !
Back to the first paper and I look at the case study again. I put the context. Now I move the quotes from interviews to other parts of the document. And it feels they are telling me something else.
Nearly 11 am. Time for second feeding. Babies have been nice to wife and I. They woke up a while ago but played on the mat with no fuss. A good hour and a half has gone. Wife has been cooking, she is by nice to me.
After feeding I need to continue polishing the case study. I need to highlight challenges identified by the interviewees. Back to the computer. My mind never left, I fed my twin girl whilst I was thinking.
I read a couple of articles and it feels that both papers need much more work. I am not sure I have enough data. Not sure about the contribution I am making. It leaves me thinking. My heart sinks for a while. Can I really do this job at home? Whatever happened to my inspiration? It is now perspiration.
Ok, perspiration angel comes back. "No need to beat myself too much... Just keep reading... Maybe the articles can be submitted to lower ranked journals".
The angel keeps encouraging me. "You just do the best you can", he says.
Lunch, another feed, few more ideas being typed up and I call it quids. It is about 4pm.
Perspiration day it is. I just make some notes about what I need to do next. My brain will keep working for a few more hours in the background, this is who I am. A guy difficult to beat. Or a guy who beats himself up too much. I do not know.
Hope that the doubts will not assault me at night, as they used to, when I was not a dad and when I had energy to wake up and continue working. Now I need to look after my psyche and my energy.
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