After the move...

Of course moving houses is stressful. I felt that I was reaching my emotional limit.  Leaving the old place, cleaning it, getting ready for the new place took its toll.  I have been feeling exhausted, frustrated and angry.  Why? 

It took me a few weeks and arguments with my wife, a fall of our twin boy which ended in a visit to the hospital and several sleepless nights to realise something.

I wanted the move to be perfect.  I wanted a perfect life in the new house.  Because I have always been too perfectionist.  And this was not to be an exception.

Except it was.  We ran out of money, energy and patience. I am currently in debt.  It is coverable but it makes me feel impotent.  I do not like to be in financial debt.  My script of the perfect father does not allow that to happen.  And there are many things that still need repair.  The living room, the garden.  I still have some savings and I am protecting them like the most precious thing on earth.  As if my twins were not precious...

I still feel frustrated.  On top of this my perfect vision of the move included getting on well with all neighbourghs.  They are nice, but neither them nor us have made a move to get to know each other beyond the small talk conversation.  

On the positive (yes, there need to be positive, otherwise I will have more madness episodes), we have a house.  We like the kitchen and the bathrooms.  We enjoy the new floors on the first floor.  I quite like the new shower and my comfy bed! The twins are easy going when it comes to play in the garden or in the park nearby.  

Still it is not perfect.  I know, I might be asking too much.  

Once I submit this paper for a journal in a few days I know I will feel relieved.  And once I have the new finances under more control I will have some time to feel less stressed.  But wait, my friends have offered to lend me garden equipment, and am thinking of taking their offer up and improve the garden.  Will I be able to let it go or do it in a way that does not cause me stress? Will I be able to talk more and be less anxious and worried? 

House moves are expensive, emotionally, financially, physically. Am glad I have my wife and twins to help me as they can.  I am glad we made this move.  I hope I have not made their lives too miserable. 

Today someone was asking me about my Christmas plans.  All I can say is that I have a house to enjoy.  I hope to do so.  I need to keep the perfectionist at bay!