This is not like preparing for Christmas, where you make a list of things to do, then you buy presents, write postcards or make announcements, put up the Christmas tree and the lighting, prepare a ice meal and just wait for the magical moment.
Antenatal courses should tell you that there is a marathon ahead rather than a sprint. In my humble opinion, they do not emphasise this enough or they do not touch it at all. They talk about the delivery of the babies, what is going to happen if wife has natural birth or c-section (operation), the first few days after delivery...etc.
Why? Because as a father you are supposed to be the driver and master of ceremonies. You are to fit with a movie like character that helps the wife manage her contractions, take her to hospital, support her, tell her you love her, tell her she is doing great, and then be there for the magical moment. Advice is also given about bringing or not bringing video cameras, packing the hospital bag, taking paternity leave at the right time, etc.
Sadly, we again assume that there will be pain, but it will be worth at the end. Which end? The birth? And what about what happens next?
Previous to the birth and once I decided it was about time (yes, it was me who decided this) I spent endless nights buying things online, rearranging and assembling furniture, advancing things at the office and making sure everything was ready for the magical moment. I enjoyed it and if you are a dad to be reading this I think you should. The sort of movie dad that talks to the wife to choose the clothes of the babies, spends time with her shopping around to choose the nicest cot/cot beds, the musical toys and the like was replaced by the online shopper who would visit online stores every night and read reviews about anything to do with babies.
Wife's energy could not be spent in movie moments. We managed to get out of the house a couple of times to buy a few things. But every time we would then discover that we still had not bought this and that. Time to go back online again and keep searching.
Until we physically could not do more.
Yes, some useful advice from the antenatal course was that couples usually buy more than they are going to need. And yes, family and friends, regardless of where they are, will send things.
The problem is, there is a commercial world out there, with a whole babies sub economy running. So your energy should not be spent in running around in preparation of the magical moment.
You as a dad need to pace yourself, because the magical moment is just the tip of the iceberg. And please be honest with yourself and acknowledge that you can also get sick, depressed, tired, unloving, irritable. In a future post I will tell you my own story.
More useful advice:
Do not be a project manager. Things will change and will never go according to plan.
Avoid being a super human that can meet work deadlines before the birth of twins. I tried it and failed.
You only have limited energy as a human being, even if you think that dads to be can and should do anything.
I thought that this was like preparing for Christmas. It does not happen that way.
Get help to clean your place
Do the food shopping online, before and after the magical moment.
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